Lori Hoeck

Serendipity can power some amazing things in our lives, especially when we have to pinch ourselves to believe how wonderful a turn of events can become.

After writing about Dark Hearts, emotional vampires, and narcissists on my Think Like A Black Belt site and writing a few posts on this site (here and here), I found kindred spirits from my readers’ comments and via emails.

We all shared the experience of having a toxic relationship sometime in our lives. Perhaps it was a boss, a spouse, or relative, but the feelings of worthlessness from constant subtle and not-so-subtle sabotage by someone close to us was a common theme. So was how we change ourselves to become strong enough to deal with it.

COLLABORATORS
In the discussions, Betsy Wuebker of Passing Thru and I found a similar desire to put a more concrete face on the toxic dynamics in a way that would help empower others. From that wonderful collaboration came the free ebook, The Narcissists: A User’s Guide. (You can get more details here or download it here.)

As the title ironically indicates, we wrote to ease the sense of powerlessness people feel in a toxic relationship and put readers more in control of their choices.

When Betsy and I put our finishing touches on the ebook’s first design, I received an offer I couldn’t refuse.

AWESOME OFFER
Deborah Dorchak of Sirius Graphix emailed me about a blog post I’d written, and we discovered our mutual interest in martial arts and emotional self defense. I asked her if she would like to also get a sneak peek at our upcoming ebook.

Realizing she was a serious ebook designer, I warned her in an email, “…it’s not pretty as an ebook, but hey, we decided to go less for look and more for much-needed content…”

After reading our ebook, she replied that Sirius Graphix was doing a big campaign to promote their ebook services in February. She asked if Betsy and I would want to participate. All she asked was that they’d be able to use it as an example in their portfolio.

HOLY BUCKETS??
As Betsy described in her post The Magic of Collaboration, “Holy Buckets! We didn’t even need to think about it! We were writers, not designers. Sirius could give us the visual aesthetic we coveted.”

Not only was I blessed to have a great co-author who could cut to the chase, inform and empower, but now we had help from Sirius Graphix with their powerhouse designer Deborah. Her unique and stunning work reflects an author’s heart, story, and message. When the ebook re-design was complete, it was as if Deborah let the design concept flow from us instead of plopping a design option on us haphazardly.

Eliza Fayle of Silver and Grace echoes my sentiments in her review of the book,

“Then {Betsy and Lori} sent me the final product, designed by Deborah Dorchak of Sirius Graphix. My reaction to this? ‘Holy Shit!!!’…The Narcissist: A User’s Guide is a work of art by the authors and the designer. Clearly this is combined effort of a team who truly believe in the book’s message.”

No doubt about it. Serendipity rocks. My thanks to Betsy, Sirius Graphix, and our online friends making the ebook launch of The Narcissist: A User’s Guide a wonderful success.

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Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

Have you ever been so perplexed by a relationship that it drove you crazy? Perhaps you are in one right now.

Do you feel like you’re the one who is always wrong?
Do attempts to set boundaries only meet with disdain and anger?
Are new suggestions shot down or sabotaged?
Do attempts to withdraw from the relationship create more firestorms of drama?

You just might be dealing with narcissist.

Don’t you wish there was a resource you could access that would explain what was going on and give you some answers?

Betsy Wuebker of PassingThru.com and I are collaborators on a new ebook The Narcissist: A User’s Guide. In the free ebook, we discuss such topics as:

• What creates a narcissistic personality?
• Why can involvement with a narcissist hurt you?
• Questions you can ask someone to help determine if they are a narcissist.
• What can I say to set a boundary with a narcissist?
• Is the price of caving in worse?
• Why do some people seem immune to narcissists?

****UPDATE: The ebook, The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, is now available! You can learn more information here or jump right to the download page.****

Our ebook is beautifully and professionally designed by Deb Dorchak of Sirius Graphix. Deb writes about how this came about at the Sirius Graphix website. (Read her take on narcissists in this excellent post: “Sith Lords in the Real World.”)

Betsy says she started this project thinking it would be wonderful if it helped just one person. Read her side of this wonderful story at  What Goes Around, Comes Around.

Here’s one person’s reaction after reading the ebook:

If you’ve ever had to deal with a narcissist, you are going to LOVE “The Narcissist: A User’s Guide” by Betsy Wuebker and Lori Hoeck.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist right now, this ebook is a must. It will show you that you are not alone, that you are NOT crazy, and that there ARE ways to cope with the narcissist in your life – including leaving them, and learning to avoid entering into a new codependent relationship in the future.

I’ve read many self development books and ebooks, and this is by far one of the most empowering guides I have ever come across. Highly recommended!

~Vered DeLeeuw
Professional blogger and social media consultant

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Want to know more?

“Ebook on narcissism is narcissists’ Kryptonite”
http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/ebook-on-narcissism-is-narcissists-kryptonite/

“Sith Lords in the Real World”
http://lifeslittleinspirations.com/sith-lords-in-the-real-world

“What Goes Around, Comes Around”
http://passingthru.com/2010/01/what-goes-around-comes-around

“Nobody Does It Better: Sirius Ebooks”
http://siriusgraphix.com/nobody-does-it-better-sirius-ebookscomes-around/

I’ve never had an ad on my websites, but I’ve discovered something worth shouting about — Tanka Bars.

Having grown tired of carb-laden snacks, sugary snacks, and filler snacks, I wished for something else. My body and mind prefer a certain boost I get from protein. Cheese is great but too many calories. And taking time to fix a meal with chicken or beef, or having to “nuke” leftovers, wasn’t so much fun.

Enter the Tanka Bar! My newest food hero. Tanka Bars are an outrageously tasty, healthy, and fun snack food.

The Tanka Bar is an Authentic Native American Food, made from  historic Lakota recipe combining tasty, satisfying buffalo and sweet-tart cranberry. Yes, buffalo!

I’ve been cooking with ground buffalo for months and love jerky, so I wondered how the Tanka Bar would taste.

From the first bite, the Tanka Bar hit me with one strong thought: This tastes great — like real food. The chewy blend of flavors satisfied my taste buds and a comfort food need.

To my delight, I realized this was like no snack bar I’d ever had. It didn’t taste like something store-bought or pumped with artificial junk. Not too sweet. None of that slight aftertaste that comes with most packaged foods.

I tried two types of Tanka Bars, the regular and the Spicy, Pepper Blend. My family all liked the spicy. That doesn’t mean it’s really spicy, though. A relative who doesn’t usually like things spicy, now raves over the perfect blend of snappy, flavor-laden goodness.

In the bar are 7 grams of protein, only 70 calories, and zero grams of trans fats.

This food-snack is great for:

• Firefighters and EMS people who need more than a candy bar to keep going
• Parents who need a quick boost without having to fix a snack
• Anyone into physical training, sports enthusiasts, or lunch-break exercise folks
• Senior citizens, kids, adults who may not normally choose healthy snacks
• Survival kits at home or in the car
• At work, when the candy machine might otherwise call
• For a quick, out-the-door snack when you’re on the go

Please check out the Tanka  Bar website for more information by clicking on the running image to the right.

It Ain’t Like They Say …

The mountain top seems so far
a distant, aching call.
This day I’m broken, bruised,
cursing yet another fall.

The glory they say is ahead,
or in the journey itself.
I’ve been at both points before,
I know it’s a lie to self.

There is no one point.
No shouts of “I’ve arrived!”
And the journey’s just a journey.
Shit, it’s so utterly contrived.

Listen, it’s all about the moment –
shitty or stellar matters not –
when you finally say “Screw it,
I’m not staying on this spot.”

Choices made — no matter where,
no matter the peace or strife –
Make the person what they are,
and the quality of their life.

_____

Venting. Again.

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

Pain

This headache screams as it reams my scalp
with a pain both dull and sharp,
My skull is pounding, hounding me,
like satan breaking a harp.

The pain reliever has yet to work,
Can’t they make this drug faster?
A thousand years — the wait grows long,
My woe is like disaster.

I whine and whimper like a sick pup;
feeling worthless, wimpy, and weak.
Here I am unable to act.
My brain has sprung a leak.

How much more wailing to go?
Has this writing helped a bit?
Why yes, this poem sucks so bad,
I laugh and say “Aww, f*ck it!”

—-

Some days ya just gotta whine a bit.

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

REAL NOT REHAB

pop stars on par for flyin’ far
fall ill with the pills and thrills
shoutin’, poutin’, givin’ us an outin’
of their desire to be REAL

i laugh, cause i walked the path,
been there and back about the wrath.
they think, and make a stink, that it’s them, within,
but they’re wrong — it ain’t no song, the bong, or about the strong

it’s not the story, the glory or taking inventory
not in a bottle or who ya throttle or coddle;
yes, the pain, the rain, sorrow ingrained –
they are real enough, make life so tough

but the core, the safer shore is far more;
get out of the rut, kick your own damn butt
’cause the REAL ain’t some deal you can cut
REAL comes from a direction, a connection, an election
not from the same, shamed disinfection

if fame is your only game in the lame fast lane,
if gold’s hold made your heart withhold,
if “tough and cool” guides your inner tool –
time to change and rearrange, get a home on the range
where the buffalo roam beyond styrofoam mange

you think I’m mad, gone all bad, maybe even been had
but the truth will set you free, not me, not yo mommy
Christ is the rock, the lock, the one with the flock

He offers REAL ’cause he lived the deal, sealed it up whole
He’s always ready, steady, a heavy lifter for your soul

earthquakes and mental breaks can shake your bones
but Christ’s love is from above, all about love, not stones;
it heals, gives grace wheels, acts as a shield
and yeah, it’s as REAL as it gets, the perfect fit
He ain’t gonna beg or nag ya; he ain’t gonna leave –
no need, ’cause his creed is  “Just believe.”

—-

For the pop stars who feel their shining light of talent isn’t enough.

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

Ha! You jumped back in,
or so you thought.
Too late, too little my “friend.”
Your efforts are for naught.

I left your tricks behind –
no more mind games for me.
Your mental claws were never kind.
Empty rings your empathy.

So take your narcissistic lust
and the card hid up your sleeve
– don’t bother with a trumped up fuss –
just take your lies and leave.

—-

Someone mentioned a poem a day in December, so my juices got flowing again, and here’s a little poem about users.

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

UNTOLD STORY

Touched and untouched; parted, and never apart,
Slumbering within an inner earth.
Protectively cradled in an ancient union
Awaiting the dawn of birth.

Hands unseen shape this form,
Forever to be the mirror’s reflection.
What will those eyes someday see
In a lifetime of self-inspection?

Will the mirror show Mother’s smile
and reflect a stretching length?
Will this child be a daring one
Or one of quiet strength?

What will be those early dreams?
What color of youthful vision?
How will mind and memory grow
As experience brings revision?

For now the mystery remains concealed,
But soon the inner shaping will end.
Amazement will be wrapped in joy
As all the answers begin.

—-

I wrote this in 1986 as a greeting card and congrats for my oldest niece when she became pregnant with her first child.

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

This is one of the fictional stories I wrote for Think Like a Black Belt, Take Charge of Your Own Safety – my e-book on self defense for everyone.

Meg vs. the Giant

Meg’s cheerleading practice had been over for an hour, but her brother still hadn’t arrived to pick her up.

“Jerk” she said to herself, “probably sucking face with that girlfriend of his…”

Meg was the only one left on the school’s darkening football field. She quickly realized she couldn’t Avoid the Vulnerability Factor, so she remained in code yellow as her parents and that book by the female black belt taught her. She wanted to call her brother, but her battery was dead from too much texting.

Moving toward the parking lot, Meg witnessed a car approaching her slowly. Observing her exits strategies, she paused a moment to see if she recognized the driver. It was one of the football players, a huge linebacker named Vince.

The huge teenager drove up close, smiled, and offered her a ride.

Meg declined.

Not put off, Vince spread an even more charming smile. “Why don’t I stick around to keep you safe from the bad guys?”

Meg was torn between knowing the guy and understanding that most rapes are acquaintance rapes. In her moment of slight indecision, he hopped out of his vehicle, sidled up closer and joked about her jumpiness. He kept eyeing the road into the parking lot as if scouting for anyone who might see.

He started to get too close, and she Set a Boundary: “Vince, I don’t feel comfortable with you here,” she said. “Leave now.”

Vince laughed mockingly.

With strong body language, she said, “Vince, back off. Get in your car and go home.”

She saw the flicker of a controlling, wicked leer cross his face. Grabbing her wrist with a cruel grip, his leer turned into a wolfish smile. “Looks like I need to teach Pretty Girl here a few niceness lessons.”

Fear started to swallow Meg with the realization that he must weigh 280 pounds.

Meg then realized the Media and Movie Myths aren’t always true and Vince must surely have some vulnerable spots.

She Chose to Fight instead of Comply and faked a knee shot to the groin, knowing he would probably block with a thigh. As soon as he did, she brought an arcing elbow down on his nose, shattering cartilage against facial bone. Vince let go in agony, holding his nose.

Meg figured the pain wouldn’t last long on such a big football player and decided to Toss Out Niceness and Rules. Knowing a few pounds of pressure can break smaller bones, she raised her knee high and stomped downward with her heel into his left foot.

As his body arched forward from the pain in his foot, Meg brought her knee up into his face. With Vince’s body suddenly brought upright again, Meg finished him off with a final kick to the now fully vulnerable groin.

As Vince collapsed into a pile of dust and defeat, Meg’s jerk brother pulled into the parking lot with disbelief etched into his face…..

—–

For information on self defense visit my site on physical, mental and emotional self defense:  Think Like a Black Belt.

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck

Photo Credit: litelover

Hey, I’m officially an author now!

My first book is an e-book – Think Like a Black Belt – Take Charge of Your Own Safety.

And check out some reviews:

This one is from Betsy Wuebker, written on her blog Passing Thru:

“Think Like a Black Belt – Take Charge of Your Own Safety is a comprehensive guide to mental toughness and personal safety.  Written from the perspective of enabling parents to pass along personal safety and awareness tips to children and teens, Lori’s e-book goes beyond to a more universally valuable approach.  This e-book is for everyone – because everyone at one time or another finds themself in an unsafe situation.

“The Bonus Section is worth the price of the e-book alone. This is an activity set designed to fine tune your senses in your personal daily environment.  This D-I-Y workshop that will have you looking at your world in a fresh way while creating a strong anticipatory mode that will keep you more safe.

“Make no mistake – Lori doesn’t pull any punches.  She is not out to sugar-coat her message.  She is matter of fact, encouraging and ultimately, very convincing.  We can defend ourselves from the bad guys and we can teach our children how to recognize and deal with them, too.”

And this review is from Janice Hunter on her blog Sharing the Journey:

“Please check out Think Like a Black Belt for mental, physical and emotional self defense lessons, especially if you’re a woman or have children …

“Who can benefit? Anyone who walks in public, parks a car, has children, works with others, goes out in the evenings… in short, everyone! We’re talking some of the most practical life skills that can be applied to any situation where you need to be sharp, alert, aware and informed. I let my teenage kids read these posts. I’m anxious by nature, but the tips they’ll learn from the  Think Like a Black Belt ebook and blog will help me breathe a little easier. I bought the book the day it came out!  It covers many topics such as strengthening your inner radar and your psychological and physical defense mechanisms, and teaches us to layer all the skills for greater effect.”

For more information on the book click here.

I also wrote about the e-book on the companion blog, where I write on physical, mental, and emotional self defense. Some recent articles include:

• How intuition helps keep you safe in self defense  part one and two.
• Emotionally abusive predators and their ways: signs and traits and the blame game emotional predators play.
• Basic self defense moves: how to use keys for self defense and how to do a heel palm strike.

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It’s all fascinating and practical information that can keep you safer — and your children, too!

—-

Thank you for visiting,
Lori Hoeck